Finding Joy Through My Tears

This blog is to share my journey with God through the heartache and pain of losing my son, Chandler. An outlet for me of sorts. Follow me on my road of grief to healing through the Lord.

Spirit Fall…

on November 12, 2013

I have been sitting here this evening really missing my boy. I miss seeing him, talking to him. I miss every, single thing about him. It has been a rough few days for me. Just thinking about him a lot. I absolutely dread the holidays coming up. I don’t know what to expect. I don’t know how we will feel. My heart is unsettled, sad, depressed. I just miss Chandler so.

So, I grabbed my laptop and was heading straight for Candy Crush when I just knew I needed to stop. I needed to listen to praise and worship. So, I grabbed my headphones and went to listen to some praise and worship music from the church that Chandler loved.

It moved my soul and within minutes I was lifting my hands in praise. Before, I knew it, I was praying that the Holy Spirit would just fall on me. Like the song says, Like a rushing wind, light the fire again. Come and breathe Your breath on me. Oh, how I long for the Holy Spirit to breathe His breath on me. It brings more comfort than I have ever known. It lets me know that I am not alone in this struggle. I have someone with me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. He never leaves me…Not for a moment.

Then, I heard the song, Rescue. It says “You are the source of life – I can’t be left behind – No one else will do – I will take hold of you. I need You Jesus, come to my rescue, where else can I go – There’s no other name by which I am saved, Capture me with grace. I love that.

When someone is in this much pain, no one else will do but God Himself. There is no where else that I can go. I just praised Him. Thanked Him. I put my trust in Him. This world has nothing for me. I will follow Him.

Then, I moved on “Waiting Here for You”. I expect Him and wait on Him. He comes faithfully, right on time. So many nights, I go to bed with Chandler’s hoodie and another t-shirt that I have of his. It smells just like him. It has also seen a lot of my tears over the months. I hold on to that hoodie and I cry, sob, scream in it. And, then I hold it as tight as I can and I pray for God to meet me here. He does. He assures me that He is taking very good care of Chandler. And, that he is fine.

He also lets me know that it is ok to just let it out. So, I grieve with God. Who better knows my situation? He lost His Son too. These nights are hard. I remember God’s promise that “What we sow in tears we will reap with joy.”  

That’s the secret. We have to praise Him no matter the circumstance. No matter how much pain is in the offering. We lift our hands high in praise and we expect Him to meet us where we are. No matter where that is in our lives.

I love the Lord. I have never loved the Lord more than I do this minute. I am so fortunate because so many people that have suffered a devastating loss like mine turn away from the Lord. I prayed from the very beginning that God would not allow me to turn from Him. He has been faithful. I absolutely love Him. My heart overflows.

Where would I be without Him?

Oh, Father… How I love you. I can honestly say that I love You more now than I believe I ever have. I put everything I had, all my trust into You and You came through. You continue to come through every second of every day. Father, I want to thank You for coming quickly when I am alone and the way ahead is dark. I ask that the Holy Spirit fall on me. As the song says, Like a mighty wind, Father, Light my fire again. Come and breathe Your breath on me. Father, thank You for walking me through the valley. I adore You, I praise You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Standing on His Promises, Brandi

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One response to “Spirit Fall…

  1. Thank You Brandi for sharing your post. We all live with unsettled minds for some reason or another yet we struggle everyday to try and work it out ourselves instead of turning to the Lord. I know I am so guilty of this. You are an inspiration in your faith to others. Chandler will always live in the hearts and minds that loves him. I know he will always be a part of mine and Ricks . May God be with you all through the Holidays. It will be a hard time. God Bless you all and we love you. Barbara and Rick.

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Brandi Trent

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Finding Joy Through My Tears

This blog is to share my journey with God through the heartache and pain of losing my son, Chandler. An outlet for me of sorts. Follow me on my road of grief to healing through the Lord.

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