Finding Joy Through My Tears

This blog is to share my journey with God through the heartache and pain of losing my son, Chandler. An outlet for me of sorts. Follow me on my road of grief to healing through the Lord.

From Greg: My New Year Hallelujah

This morning, I have been sitting in the recliner, in the early morning quietness. Before everyone wakes up and the day starts full force.

I have been thinking on the last two years of my life. I am thinking of all the heartache and pain. The death and despair that has plagued not only my family but friends as well. So much death, sickness, heartache. It brings tears to my eyes. I wonder how I have made it this far. There in the quietness, I knew the answer. The only reason I have made it this far is God. And, God alone.

I will be the first to tell you that I have struggled in my relationship with God since I lost my son. I find it very difficult to pray. And, even more difficult to attend church as I should. I will admit that I have watched my Bible sit on the shelf for a very long time.

I could not seem to find comfort anywhere from my grief. Chandler was my child. He was my only son. He was supposed to carry on the Trent name. It seemed hopeless that I could find comfort in any of this. This was not supposed to be. This is not how Brandi and I planned. I had so many dreams for him.

I have found myself wanting answers to all of these questions that I have. I am now realizing that I more than likely will not get these answers until I am with my boy again. It isn’t my first choice, but I am learning how to accept this. I have no other choice. I, also realize that I am not alone in my struggles. There are other people out there who are struggling with finding their own way. Struggling to find the answers that they seek. Struggling to find the comfort they so desperately need.

What amazes me the most is that there are some out there who think that it has been long enough and that I need to just put my best foot forward and move on. They think I should be over losing my son by now. How can I forget my 17 year old boy who just graduated high school? He had such a bright future ahead of him.

I can still function. Although, there have been times that his death has consumed me. I have two girls here that need me. They need guidance and help navigating the cruelness of this world. They need me to show them love and grace. They are our responsibility. I have a family that looks to me to be the strong person of this family. And, you know, by the grace of God, I am.

Through his grace, I have realized that I am nothing without God. I cannot stand. I cannot be the man, the husband, the father that I need to be. Last night, Brandi and I were talking about a book that she has been reading. It is called, “Heaven” by Randy Alcorn. She told me these staggering statistics and it has completely consumed my mind. The book says:

3 people die every second

180 every minute

11,000 per hour

More than 250,000 people everyday go to either heaven or hell.

Wow. What are we as Christians doing? Why are we just sitting around in our judgmental, legalistic ways passing judgment on others? We pass out these impossible tasks for others and then tell them that their failures will lead them to hell. All these rules.

When, in fact, all they need to do is know Jesus. To know the good news. That Christ came to this earth to live a perfect life to deliver us, who are failures from eternal death. Through His death on the cross and His resurrection, we will live with him forever in Heaven.

I am not making a New Year’s resolution. I am doing a New Year’s Hallelujah. I am going to love big. Three simple words in the bible that we would all benefit to remember. Love is kind.

God has placed me in a wonderful school where I can love the kids there. I can show them mercy and grace. I can extend it to the people I meet in my every day walk. I can share with my friends and family that are hurting the solution to their struggles. I want to love big in 2015.

I am not going to force or try and scare others to come to church. I’m not going to give them a big set of rules for them to follow. I am going to share Jesus. His love. And, I am going to just simply ask them to give Jesus a try. I am going to explain my relationship with Jesus to them and tell them how He has worked in my life. I will tell them that being a Christian isn’t some elaborate ritual. I will tell them that being a Christian is just allowing Jesus in your heart and your life.

I am going to show love to every race, creed, color, sexuality. I am going to show love to the unlovable. Why don’t you join me in being a beacon of light to others in this dark world? I guarantee if we all pull together as a community and share Jesus, we will see churches begin to fill back up.

Happy New Year Hallelujah and God Bless…


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Finding Joy Through My Tears

This blog is to share my journey with God through the heartache and pain of losing my son, Chandler. An outlet for me of sorts. Follow me on my road of grief to healing through the Lord.